One of the fundamental tenets upon which our success in Iraq and the Muslim macrocosm is predicated is the desire of the Common Man to live free, and to be able to avail himself (and, importantly, herself) of as many and whatever parcels and portions thereof he wishes, as free people do. The opportunity for self-determination is the single, best hope for peace in the Middle East.

(Of course, equally as important is the understanding that one's choices can not infringe on the self-determination of others, which seems to be the predominant sticking point for the Islamic world. Should anyone doubt this, ask a practicing Danish cartoonist or Saudi Arabian Catholic, or a Jew [making a go of] residing anywhere within the truncated Caliphate.)

Human existence is always cheaper when it is not one’s own on the auction block.

Certainly economic liberty is a vital aspect of the pitch we are making. The desperation that abject poverty incepts, when combined with the teachings of radical clerics and imams as well as secular leaders seeking chaos for its own misdirective sake, is on display every time a school bus or a pizzeria is incinerated by someone seeking 72 virgins or raisins, depending on which translation one is using..)

A Shield, Rather Than A Sword

Misdirective because if one is told by the Bashir el-Assads, Hosni Mubaraks and Yasser Arafats of the Islamic world that the reason for their miserable penuriousness is the mere existence of Israel and the Great Satan (that would be us), he may not notice the fact that these tellers of tale tales are rifling through his pockets with both hands.

That these holy men and tellurian shepherds are themselves almost always quite wealthy, and more than willing to utilize the copious despairants they have brainwashed into martyrdom while they continue to remain Earth-bound, in no rush to shuffle off this mortal coil and get their piece of the Islamist Dream, speaks volumes as to what they themselves think of the Cause, the promises of the Great Reward to be kept for Infidel extermination, and the value they selectively place on life (theirs versus everyone else's).

Human existence is always cheaper when it is not one's own on the auction block.

It also again exhibits the calming, life-affirming effects that hope for self-betterment has. For a Muslim populace that currently consists of far too many who see so little of it that they are willing to sod it all in a final act of murderous self-annihilation, the promise of a better existence here on Earth might very well temper their desire to prematurely close up shop and move on.

Last One Out ...

For evidence of this, note that the Islamofascist detonative dispatchers of those without worldly means themselves have them aplenty, and do not follow their minions out the door on their way to oblivion.

Which brings us to our updated, narrowed, altered and tempered endeavor to incorporate the 1729 satirical wisdom of Swift's solution to the pauperacy facing Irish Catholics at the time of his quilling.

As we have discussed, the best way to win the hearts and minds of anyone one wishes to persuade is to offer them an alternative preferable to that which they currently possess, and then allow the realities of the before and (here)after to sink in and hope that they make the right decision, for themselves and for us.

Which brings us to one Osama bin Laden. Already having proffered us one truce, it appears he may be amenable to further less fulminative discussions. He is, of course, vastly wealthy, so mere money will not turn this particular Jihadist tide. One must find another route to what we assume would be his heart.

We know that he has been long-suffering with congentive kidney failure, and that he has a particular affinity for seeing his visage on the demon television, preferably as broadcast by Al Jazeera, but then, any publicity is good publicity.

Reporting From My Undiclosed Location, Osama Bin Laden, Al Jazeera

As they say in the sales game, this combination of seemingly incongruous knowledge grains is our "in" to make a proper pitch to close the deal.

Let us offer to make him the global spokesman for kidney disease. We could call the campaign "There is Life After ... Dialysis".

He could be given his precious airtime the world over to sing the praises of the modern machinery (which he otherwise disdains as Infidel technological profanity) that has allowed him to stay alive to continue his fight to the death.

He could speak to the amazing medical advancements made by the Judaeo-Christian Western Decadents that have made it possible for him to receive treatments no matter where he is, from the Afghani-Pakistani Kandahar badlands, to the caves of the Iranian Mazandaran province, to the deserts of the Sudan.

And in exchange, he would retire from the game that made him famous.

With their leader no longer leading, perhaps the Jihadists would call it all on account of excretory system failure, return home, and instead invest their time and effort in starting software companies, frozen yogurt shoppes and floral delivery services.

Bin Laden's New Shingle?

That way, when next a Muslim rings your door, the worst you could be expecting would be a bouquet of unallergenic chrysanthemums.

A pipe dream to be sure, but far better than the pipe bombs currently on proffer.